Based off my last post, that the Lord has plans to prosper us and thus me, today is tough. I’m thinking about my final treatment this Friday, 6th and final one. I made it thru the 5th one ok. Really, i just wanna be done. I’m in remission, but I don’t wanna do any of this. I think of the ppl who’ve had to endure more than the 6 “standard” treatments.
It’s just really hard. I’ve been seeing the hospital social worker w/ Lex and that helps and I’ve seen a recommended psychiatrist thru the social worker to try to better figure out my meds. We changed some of my meds around to try to balance me out. In two weeks, we’re gonna re-evaluate to see how it’s working. Life be so sucky sometimes. And we’re the blessed ones, most of us here in America anyway. Maybe we’re not though. People with less are often happier. We have to much stuff, in general and personally, all the crap in our basement.
It’s hard not to let fear in. As Jesus said, and any counselor would support, “take every though captive against the knowledge of God. Not the easiest thing, but writing helps. In a month, things will be a lot better, i know. Then, it seems like I’ll just be back to dull everyday life, just without cancer treatments. i try to keep myself busy even with mundane tasks; that does help, makes me feel useful. maybe i’m in for a bad day, hopefully not a bad week.
I think about the ppl who can pop out of bed and greet each day, Carpe Diem kinda thing. We don’t know what goes on inside each person, granted, but is there something they know I don’t; what am I missing or is it right here in front of me. “Still have found what I’m looking for” is making sense right now Bono. That I can get it out is a plus and Scout, my cat, is being really affectionate. Animals often know but maybe she just wants her brush. She’s shedding like crazy! So right now I’m gonna watch a funny movie, and hopefully nap a little. Keep praying, esp. that I do the right and best things for my mind, spirit and body. Blessings on each of you too for caring. thanks